PBA 64a
10:42:52 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: You can squish as you like! 10:44:06 PM Janis: Janis sees Wynn come in "Oh...hi..." 10:44:26 PM Wynn: Hi. .....mouth dream? 10:44:53 PM Janis: You too? 10:44:58 PM Janis: That was weird, right? 10:45:22 PM Wynn: Very. 10:46:58 PM Janis: ((Did Isk come here, or did he just get up and go somewhere else?)) 10:47:25 PM Iskandar: Iskandar went to the Galley. 10:47:34 PM Janis: ((Ok)) 10:47:53 PM Janis: ...sorry... 10:48:08 PM Wynn: For what? 10:48:29 PM Janis: I hesitated when the thing attacked you. 10:48:49 PM Janis: I'm not...I haven't been...I dunno. I'm just sorry. 10:49:01 PM Wynn: ...do you need to talk? 10:49:11 PM Janis: ...... 10:49:20 PM Janis: Janis fires an arrow at a dummy...and misses. 10:49:29 PM Janis: Janis fires another arrow...and misses. 10:49:40 PM Janis: Janis repeats this a few times, and it never works. 10:49:57 PM Janis: That's been happening a lot. 10:50:17 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns. "You don't know why?" 10:50:32 PM Janis: ............it started after the rock world. 10:50:49 PM Janis: It got worse after the guard at the prison. 10:51:46 PM Wynn: Which guard? 10:51:52 PM Janis: The one I killed. 10:52:40 PM Janis: ...before, I didn't even have to think to shoot...now...everything's real cloudy. 10:53:06 PM Janis: I was able to hit the monster attacking you, but now I'm not even sure if that was real. 10:53:43 PM Wynn: Is it... a mental block? Guilt maybe? 10:53:54 PM Janis: .....I dunno. 10:54:16 PM Janis: I never killed someone before who wasn't a criminal or evil in some way. 10:54:50 PM Janis: The adventurers we fought, Bevil, Polus, Diedre, they weren't evil. 10:54:54 PM Wynn: Wynn frowns and nods. 10:54:57 PM Janis: They just got there before us. 10:55:05 PM Janis: And we just got to walk away. 10:55:12 PM Janis: It's not fair! 10:56:18 PM Wynn: Well as far as the rock plane, we didn't know... and once we did, we stopped. They will have raised the minotaur. 10:56:32 PM Wynn: They attacked us. Same with the guards. 10:56:52 PM Wynn: I know it doesn't make it any easier. Their deaths shouldn't have happened... but there was little we could do. 10:57:52 PM Wynn: We tried to talk, to reason with the ones we could. 10:58:04 PM Janis: .................... 11:00:38 PM Janis: ...I don't know if that makes it better. 11:00:57 PM Wynn: Wynn nods. "I know." 11:01:48 PM Janis: ...I just want to feel like I'm the good guy again. 11:03:42 PM Wynn: All we can do is learn from our mistakes and do better tomorrow. 11:03:52 PM Janis: Janis nods 11:04:34 PM Janis: ...I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to talk to Gnarmak for a while. 11:05:05 PM Wynn: Why not? 11:05:19 PM Janis: He just tried to stab me with a giant hook. 11:05:27 PM Janis: That's not the sort of thing you just get over. 11:05:36 PM Wynn: He didn't know it was you. 11:05:52 PM Wynn: Ignorance isn't always a good excuse, but sometimes it will suffice. 11:06:45 PM Janis: I never thought I'd be able to relate to a piece of broccoli before that. 11:07:09 PM Wynn: I hope that wasn't anyone's real mouth. We'd need to get them a toothbrush. 11:07:49 PM Janis: I can't think of anyone in our group who would have rock teeth and a shambling mound in their mouth. 11:09:11 PM Wynn: I don't know. 11:09:55 PM Wynn: As far as your other problem, I'd suggest some time in the chapel, but I think the forest would be better suited to you. Time to think and come to terms with things. Hopefully. 11:10:17 PM Janis: ...maybe. 11:10:27 PM Janis: I'm not sure how I do that. 11:10:47 PM Janis: I started reading some books like Tarak said, but I haven't found one I liked yet. 11:10:51 PM Wynn: Wynn smiles. "I'm not either. That's just what Father Fenton always suggested." 11:11:24 PM Janis: We should have spells for this stuff. 11:11:38 PM Janis: I can make a sword from fire, there should be a spell to get over bad stuff. 11:13:14 PM Wynn: There is an atonement spell, but... it's not really applicable to most of these situations. 11:13:26 PM Janis: Why not? 11:13:41 PM Wynn: It's typically used for fallen paladins. 11:14:23 PM Wynn: It's also incredibly difficult and if I remember correctly, expensive. But it won't work for Tarak's guilt since he hasn't fallen... so I seriously doubt it would work for ours. 11:14:55 PM Janis: Maybe I'm a fallen ranger. I can't even hit a simple target. 11:15:40 PM Janis: ...could you also not tell the others, please? 11:15:49 PM Wynn: Not if you don't want me to. 11:15:59 PM Wynn: I don't think rangers can fall, for what it's worth. 11:16:23 PM Janis: I don't want them to worry when I'm on a mission with them. 11:16:44 PM Janis: If they know, they might think I shouldn't come. 11:17:03 PM Wynn: .... 11:18:08 PM Janis: ......I can't tell if that frown means you don't think that's a problem or that you think I probably shouldn't. 11:18:37 PM Wynn: My answer might depend on what we're doing at the time. 11:19:12 PM Janis: Janis nods but looks a little hurt. 11:20:04 PM Wynn: I know it's not what you want to hear, but if it's something dangerous... I don't want to risk your life. 11:22:50 PM Janis: But I could still help! 11:23:11 PM Janis: I still did stuff when we rescued the dragon...and in the prison! 11:24:19 PM Wynn: I'm not saying you can't help. Just that it's a factor that might need to be considered. I'm sure Gnarmak is helpful, but we wouldn't want to take him into an active combat area. It would be dangerous for him and he'd have little to no self defense. 11:24:44 PM Janis: ................. 11:26:52 PM Janis: But... 11:27:14 PM Janis: .........right. 11:28:22 PM Wynn: What? 11:28:51 PM Janis: .....I can't just do nothing. 11:29:13 PM Janis: If anyone here was in danger, you wouldn't let something keep you from helping. 11:29:56 PM Janis: ...I can also still turn into a wolf. That's gotta count for something. 11:30:15 PM Wynn: You think it's easier to rip someone's throat out with your own teeth than to shoot them from a distance? 11:30:43 PM Janis: .....I don't know, I haven't tried that yet. 11:30:52 PM Janis: Being a wolf is...different. 11:31:09 PM Janis: ...it probably wouldn't feel any easier afterwards, though. 11:34:01 PM Janis: Janis has a look of deep contemplation and resignation on her face. 11:35:44 PM Wynn: I'm sorry, Janis. I don't know what else to say, but I'm always willing to listen. 11:36:09 PM Janis: Janis gets up. 11:36:30 PM Janis: I think I'm gonna go to the forest. I don't feel like training right now. 11:37:03 PM Janis: And I'm not sure I wanna go to bed while we're still in this dimension, especially not now. 11:37:14 PM Janis: Have a good night. 11:37:17 PM Janis: Janis exits. 11:42:10 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: She almost runs into Talas in the forest. To be fair, it's very very hard to distinguish between Talas and an actual birch tree, depending on the time of day. 11:42:44 PM Janis: Janis is totally not crying. She's just had a slight allergy attack. 11:42:52 PM Janis: "Oh...hi Talas." 11:43:16 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Oh dear, you're leaking sap all over the place. 11:43:25 PM Janis: I am not! 11:43:43 PM Janis: Janis wipes her face. 11:44:01 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Yes you are. Did you cut yourself? 11:44:14 PM Janis: No. I didn't cut myself. 11:44:25 PM Janis: I just can't do anything. 11:44:40 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Are you sure? I can heal you. ... what do you mean you can't do anything? 11:44:56 PM Janis: ........... 11:45:31 PM Janis: What do you do when you did something so bad that you can't get past it? 11:47:05 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: ... well... usually I apologize to Nate. 11:47:33 PM Janis: ...I can't really say I'm sorry to these people anymore, and I don't think Nation cares. 11:48:41 PM Janis: It's really hard and I can't shoot straight until I solve it, and if I can't shoot straight, I can't defend myself in a fight, and if I can't do that...I'm useless. 11:48:59 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Well, I care. You could apologize to me. 11:49:27 PM Janis: ...I'm sorry I killed a bunch of people who probably didn't deserve it. 11:50:36 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Oh, it's always so upsetting when that happens, isn't it? Nate gets really upset too, though he doesn't like to say. 11:51:30 PM Janis: ...I'm not sure upsetting is the right word, but thanks. 11:52:15 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Well, sometimes he's angry and sometimes he's sad and usually he tries to pretend he's not either. 11:52:22 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: But it never works. 11:53:00 PM Janis: I think it works on us. ...It's funny, we spend a lot of time inside you guys, but I'm not sure I've ever really figured you guys out. 11:53:14 PM Janis: But I am glad you haven't tried to kill us with Rhinos again. 11:53:26 PM Janis: I really like you not doing that. 11:54:21 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas shrugs. "I don't really have any anymore. Besides, you saved Nate." 11:54:33 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: ... and me, but Nate's the important one. 11:55:00 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: But if you're sad or angry, you shouldn't try to pretend you're not. It's silly. People can always tell. 11:55:18 PM Janis: Well, if you died, Nate would probably feel really bad and maybe kill himself. 11:55:27 PM Janis: So, you're really just as important. 11:56:46 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: I'll make him promise not to. 11:57:11 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: ... maybe it would help to grow something for the dead? Sometimes that makes me feel better. 11:57:28 PM Janis: Maybe. 11:57:50 PM Janis: ...Thanks for being there for me. 11:58:07 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Well I can't be anywhere else, silly! Do you have a seed? 11:58:58 PM Janis: ...uh...no...maybe I could ask around some of the trees if they have one to spare. 11:59:09 PM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Talas: Oh, I have lots. What do you want to grow? 11:59:49 PM Janis: ((27 K:N to know what an appropriate morning plant is)) 12:00:10 AM All Shall Love Me And Despair: ((Mourning, you mean?)) 12:00:21 AM Janis: ((Yes, sorry)) 12:02:28 AM Janis: ((What do you say we just assume we begin this planting session and call it a night? I think we all need some sleep soon.)) 12:03:12 AM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Dark red roses mean mourning. 12:03:25 AM All Shall Love Me And Despair: Sounds good to me! 12:04:01 AM Janis: Janis goes with Talas to plant four dark red roses (one for each person she's killed) and that's probably a night.